I feel confident that it does not come from my inner self - it feels like ego, the part of me that wants to be seen as important and successful. The part of me that seeks validation and acceptance from others as a means to validate and accept myself. Ick. Writing those two sentences makes me feel a little ill. But I let them flow before I could stop myself. And now, witnessing the truth, I can’t unsee it.

These conversations I have with myself - journaling in the morning, quietly typing notes and email drafts in my phone at 11pm while my whole house is asleep (I’m currently laying on my two year old’s floor right now), these are the ones that move me closer to the answers I am looking for - they move me closer to myself. To be in conversation with myself is to know myself. And to know myself is, well, everything.

Here are a few of my favorite journaling questions right now that are sparking deeper conversations with myself:

1. What thoughts would make today feel expansive?
2. What is my inner dialogue telling me today?
3. What do I believe about myself? Happiness? Money? The world? Is that the ultimate truth?
4. What am I ready to stop believing about myself?
5. Who do I want to be today?
6. What am I grateful for?
7. What feels good in my body right now?
8. What is working in my life right now?

Big love,
A

But maybe it’s not anxiety. Maybe it’s just love - so much of it, I’m afraid I won’t have enough time to feel it all.

To give it all:
to the right people,
in the right ways,
at the right times.

Sometimes I worry I’ll leave this life with love still inside me, unexpressed.

And yet…I know the truth:
the well is endless.
Love is not something I can run out of.

It is a choice I make.
A feeling I lean into.

So the goal shifts.
from trying to give all of it,
to simply sharing it as often as I can.

Letting it refill through the love I give myself.

Threading it into everything:
every conversation, look, smile, action, and word.

I’ll weave it into the energy of my day, coating my world not in the fear of “never enough,” but the intention of “right on time”.

Dipping into the well, letting it fill my fingers, soak into my skin, and reach the people it’s meant for.

No.
I don’t have anxiety.
I have love.

And you do too.

Big love,
A

To watch myself be re-made over and over again - in challenging and easy seasons of life. Navigating it all in the best way I know how in each moment.

I can have a lot of grace for myself, and a lot of judgment. It goes both ways doesn’t it?

“Look how far you’ve come, you’ve done so much and I am so proud of you.”

“But where are you going now? You need to do more, have more, be more. You should be further along, You are 38 after all.”

Ah, the inner dialogues we have with ourselves.

A constant challenge of mine has been to remain present, attached only to the moment I am in and not worried about the ones that have passed or the ones that may or may not be coming. To sit where I am and savor it, good, bad, or indifferent.

It’s hard to sit still for me - I am a doer, a mover, a shaker, so sitting still feels odd. Especially when I don’t know what’s next.

I am coming out of eight years of pregnancy and postpartum. In 8 years, I have never made it to back to this point - with a 2 years old, not pregnant with my next kid.

Seems crazy when I think about it - that’s twice as long as the time I spent in college. 8 years of giving up my body, my mind, my spirit, and pouring all my energy and devotion into growing, birthing, and raising these tiny humans.

Don’t get me wrong - my work is no where near done. But my body and mind are in a uniquely different place. A place I have never been before.

One that feels like rebuilding and starting over, but different. I have these three girls that are precious and beautiful and my whole heart walking outside my body. It’s not all just for me anymore - this love I feel makes it for them, too.

My thoughts.
My beliefs.
My choices.

It all impacts them.
And I’m trying to figure out what that means for me.

I have such a strong desire to create something meaningful in this world. These three babies are part of my legacy, a huge part. And yet, there is still a burning desire within me for something else - something that lives and breathes and fulfills for me.

Sometimes I wonder where it comes from - the desire for more - I am sorting through that now.
Can I simply love and enjoy my life and have it be enough?
Do I really need something else?
Does the desire come from me, or from what I grew up believing about the world? Is more better, or is it just a distraction?

Right now I don’t have answers - just questions.

Stay tuned.

big love,

A

What an interesting experience to watch the portrayal of men and women in the early 1800’s and what their lives may have looked like - the kind of conversations they had, their societal limitations and blessings. It’s enthralling, this fictional, cinematic world.

I am captivated by the imagined reality of these families and individuals. Namely, the space. The boredom. The room for presence - to sit and stare out windows, to read for hours, to engage in hobbies and games.

There is something about that pace that feels luxurious now.

It feels so much like everything in my life is pointing to presence lately. Old hobbies resurfacing. New ones quietly arriving. Each one requiring me to be right where I am - devoted to a single thing, unwanting to do anything but savor.

And yet.

It is a curious endeavor - to hold beliefs about purpose and truth and self-creation through education and action. To believe you are building the foundation of your life toward making the world a kinder, happier, more loving place.

I often find myself asking: am I doing enough? Am I doing it right? Is there something else I should be pursuing, devoting more time to? How does this unfold when the kids are in school? What’s the plan? Where does this take me? How does this make me better / my life better / the world better?

All good questions. Useful questions. Questions that can spark positive action.

But I fear I ask them too often.

Growing up I believed that I would find one thing and pursue it endlessly. That my path would unfold before me and I would walk it with devotion, passion, and a singular drive to create magic.

Instead, I find myself with many interests. Many hobbies. Pieces of my heart scattered across winding paths. One week here. The next there. The North Star always my children, the center of this home.

I want it to feel enough.

I’m not sure what it is that tells me otherwise - this never-fully-satisfied part of myself that will always want to do more and be more. I am grateful for my growth mindset, yet at times it feels less like growth and more like achievement. A performance of life meant for others to watch and critique. A quiet search for validation. For someone to tell me how I’m doing - and for my worth to rise and fall with their report card.

So here I am.

I am not sure there is a neat lesson or tidy meaning amongst these words. I’ll leave that to you to find on your own.

What I do know to be true is this: I must keep getting out of my head (and therefore, out of my own way) and into my body. Walk. Cycle. Pilates. Lift. Yoga. Breathwork. Play. Create. Meditate. Returning to regulated, over and over again.

It is there that I know and trust myself.
It is there that the noise of others quiets and my own voice comes through.

A busy brain is a fuzzy brain for me.

My clarity comes in the pauses.

My work is creating spaces to return to them.

big love and big dreams,

A

big love and big dreams,

A

My goal always, to get to the softening. To breathe long and deep and be where I am. I always get there, bless, but I had a new experience yesterday.

My aesthetician Lily was new to me, and she brought a level of intentionality and slowness to the experience I had never had before. She moved as if she had no where else to be, gave me her full attention, and put so much love and care into the service.

Part of me felt bad and wanted to ask what time it was, how much time was left, the part of me that was antsy and feeling guilty for leaving my kiddos for a bit - but I didn’t let it ramp up, I didn’t disturb the process - I let myself soften and savor it all.

I let the word linger unspoken on my tongue, a prayer I prayed silently for 90 minutes. Soften and savor. Let it be good. Let it be healing. Let it be.

And so…our theme for February inside Huntress House was born:

Today we open a new healing portal called, The Savoring.

This portal is a practice of lingering -
like a good piece of chocolate melting on your tongue,
standing quietly in wonder of falling snow,
or allowing a moment of ease to last longer than expected.

Rather than pushing toward transformation, we practice staying long enough to receive it.

This month is not about doing more.
It is about letting what is already here be felt.

What we are practicing this month:

• Pausing instead of rushing

• Feeling sensation without immediately reacting

• Building strength without bracing

• Resting without guilt

• Letting pleasure and ease fully register

I am also bringing in two new forms of grounded movement: Somatic strength and Yin yoga.

Somatic Strength is slow, intentional strength work focused on awareness inside effort.

This practice teaches discernment - learning when the body can stay, when it needs softness, and when it is ready to move forward. The goal is not to push or perform, but to build resilience through awareness.

Yin yoga offers long, supported holds that nourish connective tissue and the nervous system.

In the context of The Savoring, yin is a practice of staying - allowing sensation, emotion, and stillness to unfold without urgency. It invites deep rest, patience, and integration.

Each week inside the portal follows a steady rhythm so the body knows what to expect and can soften into practice.

• Monday (free to all subscribers): Weekly Ritual / Meditation
  Arrival, intention-setting, and nervous-system orientation. Something you can do just today or each day to center and ground your energy.

• Tuesday: Vinyasa
  Slow, mindful flow that encourages enjoyment of movement.

• Wednesday: Somatic Strength
  Quiet strength and resilience-building through awareness. Light weights needed.

• Thursday: Kundalini
  Breath, subtle energy, and emotional clearing.

• Friday: Yin
  Deep rest, release, and integration.

Tuesday-Friday events for paid subscribers only - special 7 day promo - 20% off your first paid year, annual and monthly plans!

20% off your first year

I am mixing up the format a bit - some live and some recorded, so keep an eye on your notifications.

I am so looking forward to spending this month (my birthday month woo woo) with all of you.

sending you big love and big dreams,

A

But I am proud to be a Minnesotan. I stand with my neighbors. I love them.

I don’t really know what I need, what we need, what to do, how to help - but I know to keep showing up, moving my feet in ways I can to bring more love to the world, a seemingly very dark world at the moment.

And I know I (and I believe we) need togetherness. To be with friends and neighbors, support and hug and love one another - to remind ourselves there are still tender hearts and beautiful souls among us.

So tomorrow, this week, let’s be together - keep it gentle, but stay together.

See you on the mat.

Weekly yoga schedule: 6:30am CST daily

Free to all subscribers
Monday - kundalini breathwork + meditation
Paid subscribers only
Tuesday - vinyasa flow
Wednesday - kundalini yoga + meditation
Thursday - vinyasa flow
Friday - intuitive yoga

All classes live + replays on Substack

big love and big dreams,

A

Yet I sit here tonight in a sort of deafening silence.

Read more

Every chapter had me in the depth of thinking and feeling. Theo is one of my favorite main characters I have read in a long time. His zest for life, care for humankind, and mindful approach to his days was endearing, pulling me in time and time again, asking me to revisit the values I hold dear to my heart, the things I prioritize day to day.

This is even hard to write, it feels that every word I use is too trite to describe the impact this novel had on my being.

I adored it. You should read it. Everyone should read it. It will no doubt be the book I gift all year long.

What a blessing it is to begin this new year with Theo, and all his story had to share with me. Thank you, Allen, for your art. I am truly grateful.

big love and big dreams,

A

P.S. Here are a few favorite quotes to take a peek behind the cover:

"For anything to be good, truly good, there must be love in it."
― Allen Levi, Theo of Golden

“God gave us faces so we can see each other better.”
― Allen Levi, Theo of Golden

“Living with sadness, accepting it, is easier than trying to pretend it isn’t there. It is another of life’s great mysteries that sadness and joy can coexist so compatibly with one another.”
― Allen Levi, Theo of Golden

“There is no virtue in advertising one’s sadness. But there is no wisdom in denying it either. And there is the beautiful possibility that great love can grow out of sadness if it is well-tended. Sadness can make us bitter or wise. We get to choose.”
― Allen Levi, Theo of Golden

I took the last couple of days off to rest - and in that pause, I was reminded why January inside Huntress House is about The Softening.

This season has been asking me (again and again) to loosen my grip a little - to soften the body, the breath, and the expectations I carry into a new year. Not to collapse…just to meet myself with more gentleness.

If you’ve been quietly curious about the deeper rhythm inside Huntress House, I’m opening a gentle 7-day doorway into the paid rooms.

No pressure to stay.
No urgency.
Just an invitation to step inside, experience the practices, and see how it lands in your body and nervous system.

Monday practices will always remain free for everyone.
The rest of the week offers a quieter, deeper tending for those who want to linger.

More details will come on Sunday - for now, this is simply an open door.

With softness,
Abby

P.S. I’ll be teaching a gentle bonus yoga practice tomorrow morning - slow, grounding, and very much in the spirit of The Softening. If you’re inside the 7-day doorway (or already in the paid space), you’re warmly welcome to join.

It’s been a really good week - a little uncomfy, as my nervous system recalibrates from the Olympics of hosting (hello holiday season), acclimating to the jarring feeling of being alone again during the days (something that has always challenged me as an extrovert).

Read more

These pauses have paired nicely with some pretty potent reminders for myself. So here’s a bit of advice I’ve been giving to both my subconscious and conscious mind since the year started - enjoy:

Read more

When I started questioning it, and giving myself permission to slow down, I made an interesting revolution.

Using movement to get rid of the energy, the vibe, the feeling, automatically labeled it as bad and unwanted. I was attempting to outrun it, not understand it, not learn from it.

Read more

I used to be that “everything has to be just right” girl for NYE - all things in their rightful place, organized, vision board done, specific goals laid out, journaling and meditating half the day - but not just NYE, I wanted these perfect days everyday. And well, it’s just not how it goes.

The good thing - I know that now and don’t put too much pressure on myself, but I do set goals, have some small and some big dreams, and focus on what I want to add to my life (not take away). This has helped me reframe the new year from “a time to start over and try to be perfect” to “a time to refocus and bring more intention to my priorities and goals.”

Feels healthier that way.
And lighter.
And just a whole lot more fun.

My goals today: to get some of the boxes cleared out.
Meditate.
Workout.
Enjoy O’Keefe family Christmas and a chilled out NYE with the kiddos!

Sometimes I come up with a word for the year ahead, but I don’t know what’s ahead, and I’m okay with that. So I’m open - I have one very specific goal, and then a big dream or two I am working towards, but overall I am feeling open and trusting I’m walking the right path. Doing the right things. Being in the right places.

And so it is.

I hope you have an amazing NYE with family, friends, or cocooned in a cozy corner with a good book and steaming cup of tea.

Sending you big love,

-A

P.S. New drop coming tomorrow.